Deborah, Jael, and Women Who Pick Up Slack

The topics of feminism and gender roles tend to be popular focuses throughout the internet and academia. While I often feel like the same old arguments have been hashed out a thousand times over, conversations about gender roles are not getting the same amount of air-time in Christian circles. The modern Christian women is constantly bombarded with confusing messages about gender roles from both the secular world and from the Christian community. We have the world on one side telling us to be strong, independent, career-women who don't need no man, while the conservative end of the Christian spectrum is telling us to get married, be submissive, and have babies. What's a girl to do? Are Christian women who seek careers and financial independence creating a world that discourages chivalry? Are women old-fashioned or foolish for wanting to get married in their early twenties? As usual, I feel the Bible has some answers if we dig around for them.

It's a common misconception that Judeo-Christianity promotes a male-dominated society where women are oppressed. Probably the most frequently quoted verses (out of context) which supports this idea is Ephesians 5:22 "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord." Now, I personally feel that both sides (the secular world, and many Christian communities) take this verse to the extreme, and misinterpret it into something it's not. At first glance, it really does sound like Paul is telling women to be subservient to men; that we're just supposed to turn our brains off and do whatever men tell us. The command here is much deeper and complicated than that. When we look at the word 'submission' throughout the Bible (see 1 Chronicles 29:24, Hebrews 5:7. 1 Peter 3:22), we don't see blind obedience like a slave to a master. Rather, the word 'submission' is more akin to a respect for an authority. Basically, God calls men to be leaders, and women to allow them to fill that role. Partnerships usually function the best when there are separate roles to be filled, and marriages can avoid a lot of conflict if there are already established positions. This does not mean that the wife is subservient, voiceless, or intentionally kept weak and ignorant. Keep in mind that three verses later, Paul commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church. Considering the fact that Christ gave his life up for the church, it's hard to argue that these roles aren't fair. Women, respect your husbands, men, love your wives. It's simple, and it's not misogynistic at all. Men may be the leaders, but there are checks and balances that allow equality in marriage relationships.

The story of Deborah is surprisingly applicable to the 21st century. The women in Judges 4 are both Biblical heroes, yet they stand outside that stereotypical submissive housewife model which so many of us mistake for the ideal Christian woman. If you're not familiar with the story, Israel has once again "done evil in the sight of the Lord" and God has allowed them to be conquered by the Canaanites. Deborah, the wife of Lappidoth (who isn't really talked about all that much, except for his relationship to Deborah), is judging Israel at the time. She's both a prophetess and wife...that should stand out to us. This little detail alone lets us know that it's perfectly fine for a Christian women to have both a career and a husband. And it's definitely not Lappidoth who is judging Israel, with Deborah at his side. Deborah is her own thing. Anyways, God reveals to Deborah how to defeat the Canaanite army, so she summons a man named Barak to lead Israel into battle. Deborah probably could've rallied the army herself, but she allows this leadership role to go to a man. His response? He's too afraid to go by himself, so he asks Deborah to come with him. When we have questions about gender-roles in Judeo-Christianity, we need look no further than Judges 4:9 for clarity.

"'Certainly I will go with you,' said Deborah. 'But because of the course you are taking, the honor will not be yours, for the Lord will deliver Sisera into the hands of a woman.' So Deborah went with Barak to Kedesh."

Deborah isn't wrong for stepping outside of her usual role and becoming a leader. She only does so because the man whose job it was to be a leader turned out to be a coward. There's no shame on Deborah, only dishonor on Barak. She stepped down and allowed a man to fulfill a leadership role. Barak is given an amazing opportunity to become one of the great heroes of the Bible, but he robs himself of that honor because of his cowardice. Deborah didn't want to have to lead Israel to victory over the Canaanites, but because Barak failed to man-up, women had to pick up the slack.

The story ends with Sisera, commander of the Canaanite army, running into the wilderness and finding refuge with the wife of a Canaanite ally, Jael. Jael cares for Sisera, gives him food and promises to protect him. Then, when Sisera falls asleep, Jael drives a tent peg into his temples and kills him. Barak arrives late to the scene, only to discover that the man he was pursuing has already been killed...by a woman.

Here's how I see this story in terms of how we're supposed to live as Christians today: God made men and women with certain differences so that they could fill different roles. Men are supposed to be the leaders, the go-getters, the heads of families. Women should be content to play supporting roles. It's not subservience, it's just that there are different parts to play. You can't play football without an offense and a defense. BUT the modern world is full of men like Barak who are too weak and cowardly to be the leaders we need. Women shouldn't be expected to submit to men who aren't hard-working or courageous. When men fail to grow up into leaders and providers, (due to cowardice, or being too sheltered, or the desire not to leave the comfort of prolonged adolescence,) women are not in the wrong for stepping up in their place.

I don't like modern-day feminism. I think that what started out as a great movement has been perverted over the years into an irrational hate-fest. There are feminists who argue that women should be able to wear whatever they want, only to insist five seconds later that showing bikini-clad women on TV is sexism. There are feminists who will be complain that there are not enough female-characters in the media, but then will rant about how the Disney princesses negatively impact young girls. So to make one thing clear, I am not one of these women. I don't think women are better than men, I don't hate men, and I don't think men are incapable. On the contrary, I think men and masculinity are awesome. They are supposed to be leaders, warriors, and providers because that's how they were designed. I don't do hate men, I just wish the men of my generation were stronger and well...manlier. For whatever reason (be it video games, coddling, radical feminists shoving men out of their way, etc.,) boys aren't growing up into men. One of the biggest reasons that Christian women are confused about their roles is because men are confused about theirs.

Women, you shouldn't settle down with a man who is weaker than you. If you choose to submit to him, you'll be limiting your own strength and capabilities, and if you choose to lead then both of you are missing out on God's ideal picture of marriage. Men, don't take a wife until you are mentally, emotionally, and financially able to provide for a wife. Too often I've seen Christian couples rush into marriage, and it's the woman who ends up becoming the provider. Or, rather than getting their own place, the couple moves into one of their parents' homes because neither of them are financially ready to be independent. I'm sorry, but that's disgusting. I can't wrap my mind around asking a girl to marry you, and rather than taking the financial burden off of her and her family, you simply move in with her make her family provide for you too. It's one of the most selfish and immature things that a man can do, and I've seen numerous examples of it. In fact, I know more young Christian couples who have started off their marriages this way than those who have actually flown the nest. Before we accept this behavior as just a "sign of our economic times," let me point to 1 Timothy 5:8: "Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." The Bible calls men to be providers so that women can fulfill their separate role. When men fail to be those providers, it's not the fault of women. I've heard people blame feminism for the death of chivalry. I believe there should be no excuses. When women save the day, they should not be criticized for doing man's work. Men need to be men, so that women are free to be women.

Those who know me know that I'm a pretty strong woman. I work and study hard because I want to have a good career someday. I'd like to be a writer or a teacher or both. But sometimes I really wish that I wasn't so afraid for my future. Growing up, I always pictured myself working a job on the side, while my husband provided the majority of our income so that I could be a mom. Now I find myself surrounded by men who mooch off of their career-driven wives and girlfriends, and fear that a husband might actually be more of a burden than a help. Now don't get me wrong, I know that there are good Christian men out there who are hard-working and self-sacrificing, like the men Paul describes in Ephesians 5. These are the guys we women should wait for, and make our leaders. I would be willing to submit to someone with that kind of work ethic and maturity. But am I going to sit around waiting for some sleazy wimp to marry me and move into my parents' house? Um, no thanks. I'll rally the Israelites myself, thank you.

Coffee with the King of Horror

Last night I had an unusual dream where I spent the day with Stephen King. While I don't remember a lot of it, there was one particularly vivid scene where I was interviewing him at a coffee shop. I had bought both our drinks and he slunk back in his seat. He seemed really comfortable, as if meeting up to mentor some random English major was akin to catching up with an old friend. I kept thinking Oh my gosh...this is Stephen King. I get to pick the brain of STEPHEN KING and he's just sitting there all casual as if he's not a big deal. How do people not recognize him? This guy's a celebrity. Play it cool, Shannon. Ask him what you really want to ask him. Just spill your guts, or you'll regret it forever. Here's our conversation, as I remember it:

"I'm an aspiring writer to an extent. Some of my fiction writing tends to get a little dark. I don't know why, but I find it easy to write about scary things. Murders, monsters, that sort of thing. A lot of it's probably inspired by your work, I'm sure. My family doesn't get it. They think it's gross and wrong, and that I need to read and write about brighter things. But when I try to do that, it's unnatural and cheesy. My gritty stuff is just so much better. I don't think I'm a bad person...it's not like I like that sort of thing. So why do I do it, I wonder? Why do you do it?"

"Well, just because you think something's intriguing, doesn't mean you agree with it. Bad people are facinating, and it's thrilling to be scared sometimes. I write about murderers all the time, but I'd never murder someone. I'm not sick at all; I'm a husband and a pretty good dad."

"You do seem like a good person."

"So do you. There's nothing wrong with us. We just have good imaginations."

"Did people ever make you feel like you were sick in the head for writing such gruesome stuff?"

"At first. Not everyone gets it, and that's okay. I did get a lot of flack for IT though."

"I have to confess I never read that one. I've actually only read like three or four of your books."

"It's okay. A lot of them are really similar to each other." (I thought it was hilarious that he admitted that)
"The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon is really good."

"You liked that one? It didn't do as well as I had hoped."

"It stuck with me. There's something really terrifying and alluring about being lost in the woods all by yourself. It was very Grimms' Fairytale-esque. It made me want to write a story in the same kind of mood that that book put me in."

"You should do it. Even if no one ever reads it, you should do it for you."

And that's all I remember. I have no idea if that's what Stephen King is really like or not, but in this dream he was pretty cool. It was like God sent me a vision of someone I admire to encourage me in a way that I would respond to. Or maybe it was my brain telling me what I wanted to hear. Regardless, it's pretty amazing that I should have a dream like that the night before being offered a job at CSUS as a writing tutor. I have a feeling that 2015 is going to be a year full of more writing than ever before. Sometimes one needs an imaginary pep-talk from a famous author, I suppose.

Hating Heroes: How The Modern World Views the Successful

“Ecglaf’s son, Unferth, who sat at the feet

of the lord of the Scyldings, unlocked his thoughts

with these unfriendly words-for the journey of Beowulf,

the brave seafarer, much displeased him

in that he was unwilling for any man

in this wide world to gain more glory than himself:”

The other night, my favorite person in the world came to me and told me how much she was hating life. According to her sensitive teenage mind, everyone at school hated her, her teachers were out to get her, and she found failure no matter how much effort she put into every aspect of her life. It sounds like the typical teenage crisis, but I knew there were reasons for the things she was feeling. She had just broken up with her boyfriend of one year, and at our tiny high school, that was enough to create a campus-wide drama. Ferguson had both teachers and students in a "F*** the police" rant, and ever since my sister took a stand on the opposite end of the field (our dad's a cop, after all,) she's felt like a target of harassment. It's been a rough semester. But I can't help but feel like part of Brittany's problem lies not in her failure, but in her success.

Allow me to brag on my little sister for a moment. Brittany is not the average high school student, nor was she ever an average person. When Brittany was little, she would draw like one possessed. I'm sure she would've been perfectly content if all our parents ever bought her was crayons and endless paper. Her artistic ability surpassed mine when we were about 14 and 10 (which drove me crazy, since I was an aspiring artist myself) and drew the attention of her peers and teachers. On top of being an incredibly talented artist, Britt's always been a great student, a loyal friend, and a goody-goody like myself. She's also gorgeous. What's not to like? Well, I have a theory: modern society doesn't like epic heroes.

Back in the day, and I do mean waaaaaay back in the day, there was a pretty standard cookie-cutter for the main character of a myth or a legend. The epic hero was a figure who symbolized the epitome of human potential: they were strong, fast, kind, self-sacrificing, invincible in battle, wise, and morally upright. Myth, legend, literature and film were filled with characters like this until the mid 20th century. They were designed to embody the ideal member of a particular society. Hercules was the ultimate Roman, Beowulf was the ultimate Anglo-Saxon, Finn McCoul was the ultimate Celt, Superman was the ultimate American. You were supposed to admire these characters for their greatness, and aspire to be like them.

But something revolutionary happened in the last century that changed the face of heroes. Somewhere along the line, we decided that perfect heroes were too boring and unrelatable. A hero with flaws is more interesting, and realistic. One of the reasons that Spider-Man was such a success was the fact that he was a normal kid. He didn't fit the superhero standard of the day, he was nerdy, awkward, and partially guilty for his uncle's death. Don't get me wrong, Spidey's great. But he's not Superman-level perfection. People love him for that. Just like how people started liking Batman more when he got dark and creepy. Flawed heroes don't make us feel bad about ourselves by comparison. Who wants someone perfect to aspire to, when you can celebrate normal, and therefore celebrate yourself? Ever since the 1960's, people don't want superheroes anymore; we want normal, messed-up people doing cool things. The 60's were the beginning of that whole "individualism is super great, you're special for just being you, here's a trophy just for showing up" thing. I have a big issue with this sort of cultural thinking because it devalues accomplishments. So instead of looking up to people who do well, we want to criticize them and make them small, so we feel better about ourselves.

So I began this post with a quote from Beowulf, where the author describes the character Unferth. Unferth is a slimy, jealous hater who feels threatened by Beowulf, the all-around-nice-guy who has come to rescue the Danes from an unkillable dragon. He's the only character in the whole story who doesn't like him, and literally the only reason he dislikes him is because he's so great. Throughout the story, he belittles Beowulf's accomplishments and tries to find fault in him. Readers are supposed to hate Unferth, but here's the thing...we're him. When someone gets a good grade on a test we failed, we're conditioned not to congratulate them, but to curse them. We hate pretty girls, muscular men, and rich people without knowing anything about their personalities. We can't feel happy for others' success because we're too focused on how it makes us look by comparison. It's like our gut reaction is "Oh no, you can do something I can't. Now I look bad. I want you to fail at something so we're even again."

Okay, so how does this all relate to my little sister? Well, she had a lot of victories this semester. She got a sweet new job, which sets her apart from the majority of kids at her school. She's been taking art classes at the college, and is pumping out more masterpieces than ever. After dumping her super clingy boyfriend, she didn't act all dramatic and obnoxious, she treated him and his friends with compassion and class. She's pretty unhateable, making her an easy-target for haters (if that makes any sense at all.) People are going to be watching her, looking for things to point out and criticize. They want to do whatever they can to drag her down, so they can feel just a little bit better about their own mediocrity. Dozens of little Unferths waiting to yell "HA! You're not so great after all!" at the kind-hearted Beowulf. 

Maybe we should be mindful of the reasons we dislike people. Are we disliking character flaws? Or the way they make us feel when we compare ourselves to them? 

New Life, New Blog

Hi Blogosphere! It's been awhile, so I feel like I need to explain why I'm here.

Years ago, I started a blog called Confessions of a Martial Heartist where I talked about my job as a karate instructor, hot topics in pop culture, and how all of that tied into Christianity. It was like my personal manifesto, and I loved adding to it. It made me feel like I had a voice on the web, without succumbing to the lure of facebook (which I have restrained myself from since high school.) Sadly, when junior college made me busier than ever, I cut back on blogging. Eventually, I posted so infrequently that I just sort of gave it up. *sad trombone*

 2014 has been a transformational year for me: new jobs, new college, new major, two new boyfriends, weight loss, friends getting married, friends coming out of the closet, friends dying, friends moving to Europe and binge shoe buying. It's like this whole year my life has been flipped around and it's left me with sort of an identity crisis. So when I decided to start blogging again, it didn't feel right to keep posting on the same webpage I created in high school. Hence, a new blog for a new era. Ray Bradbury always said that the only way to become a writer was to write everyday, so hopefully this will help me become a little more Bradburyish.

Read the inner thoughts of teenage me here: www.martialheartist.blogspot.com